As I read this one aloud I’m cringing at the memories of more times in my past than I care to count where I resisted this with all my might. One long time friend could tell so many stories of how I would try to orchestrate to the last detail. Whether it was a dinner party or setting up two unsuspecting romantic hopefuls (I loved to meddle in the affairs of the heart) or trying to get others to patch things up, I often had my nose in it, but good.
6 – The Law of Detachment
Allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they are. Do not force solutions—allow solutions to spontaneously emerge. Uncertainty is essential, and your path to freedom.
I do strongly encourage people with cancer to continue to do the things they love and be around people they love, but to curb it just a bit in accordance to their new (lower) level of energy and vulnerable (germ magnetic) state.
Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are – in that moment. I was specific about that in the chapter 14 “Letter to the Loved Ones”. It’s so important to realize that when your friend/loved one is going through a life threatening/altering illness like cancer, their moods are bound to swing from one side of the pendulum to the other. It’s natural. Let it ride and let them be whoever they need to be in that moment.
“Do not force solutions-“. So true. You can hope for the best and you can do your level best to get there, but you can’t force it. There’s a lot that’s within our control and a lot that is not. It’s important to open your eyes and be able to discern between the two. You can’t force everyone to understand (or even care about) what you’re going through. Even if they care it doesn’t mean they can or will be your end all be all support system, so don’t begrudge someone for not being able to support you in the way you want them to either. When you open yourself up to it, there’s no shortage of people around who can and will lend a hand. Let the pieces fall in as they fit.
Uncertainty IS essential. If someone tells me it’s certain I won’t make it. I’m going to vote for uncertainty in the validity of their statement. For example…they were certain that considering the dosage, the duration and that I was in my 40’s that the chemo would knock me into early and permanent (is there any other kind?) menopause. Sure enough, Aunt Flo stopped visiting, I started getting hot flashes and a nice little thick layer around my mid section formed and planted itself firmly. If you haven’t noticed, you will now. Most women in their 50’s and up (typical age for menopause to begin) slowly develop a thick and heavier than usual layer of fat around their mid front torso. Mine took all of three months to form and got worse from there. However, my last round of chemo finished in January (eight months ago) and in the last 3 months, Aunt Flo has been back to visit like clockwork, the fat in the middle is starting to dissipate and the hot flashes? Well, I hated them enough (especially the glasses fogging up thing) and tried out so many different remedies before I finally found one that worked and was natural enough that I’m not even going to try to find out if I don’t need them anymore. Nooosirreeebob. I’m still aging (unfortunately that hasn’t reversed), so I figured I’ll need them eventually anyway and they’re not doing my body any harm so I’ll just stick with em if you don’t mind.
No matter if you are the one with the cancer diagnosis or the friend/loved one of someone who is. Being able to let go of control of the situation is the easiest road to get through it.